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An Ode to Liam Neeson
By Fawad Siddiqui

Liam Neeson Taken+2+Red+Carpet+Premiere+38th+kV11PPjEgahlTaken 2 is a pretty damn funny movie.

This girl, the daughter of Liam Neeson, is in a bikini being honed into the next Liam Neeson, as he instructs her over the phone as Liam Neeson is beaten in a dungeon by some Muslim terrorists. Nice, Beards vs. Bikinis – sums things up pretty well.

Liam Neeson is all of our dads, really if you think about it. He keeps us all safe, all throughout time and space, and various genres. I don’t think he ever masturbates. He’s a real man. And he’s sacrificed his life many times over… multiple lives, in various periods of history. Even in Krull, from Cyclopes’! He controls krakens and is a master of the fuckin’ force!

And he’s Irish. i mean, c’mon he freed Ireland AND America from terrorists even while being declared a terrorist by the British! It’s fun to think of his career as simply a series of reincarnations of the same Liam Neeson through time and space, kind of like doctor who with balls. He can defeat terrorists over the phone – doesn’t even have to be in the same room. He’s like anti-terrorism customer support or OnStar action hero service.You might think I’m re-inventing Chuck Norris – Only Chuck Norris never saved the Jews from the Nazis! C’mon – Shindler’s list man, Chuck Norris has no list!

Turkish rooftop fight a la James Bond? Liam is doing it right now in this movie. He just shot some guy in the balls in this movie – I kid you not…

His nose comes pre-broken forever and he’s got a cool name. Liam. Liam Qui-Gon Jinn Neeson. He even manages to be fantastic in shitty movies. Qui-Gon Jinn is a better movie than Star Wars: Episode I somehow, and they are the same god damned movie! That’s magic. You can hate little kid Anakin while loving Qui-Gon Jinn, cause he’s your Jedi dad.

Also, in real life, he actually lost a wife and acted as Zeus the next day! After a touching loving dramatic death scene for his wife… c’mon!

Fuck you Chuck Norris, with your ab-flex! I think Liam Neeson could kill me in real life in three seconds. Chuck Norris would have to catch me first. ‘Cause i would run and jump in my car and get away. It would take Chuck at least a day to kill me, AT LEAST! He’s not a tracker like Liam is. I would be wearing fake mustaches and wigs and disguises and baseball caps and sunglasses and shit and hiding at the bus stop. Chuck couldn’t find me there easily – sure once he’s found me he’d use one swift roundhouse kick to the face and I’m done, but Liam would never let me reach the car. Or I’d step out of the car at the bus stop already dead. It’d be some covert shit!

This is s not a rant. It’s fact. It’s completely calm. like Liam Neeson. He doesn’t NEED to scream while shooting a gun or blowing something up. That is what an American would do or an Austrian – shoot things and scream and blow things up. Liam is calm as things blow up around him. Also, he’s got a delicate raspy Irish voice to maintain, he can’t be losing his voice – that is where his highlander like power comes from.

Unless he’s Darkman, in which case do you blame him? Nigga aint got no face – just sinews (you would scream too).

OK,  gotta go…

Peace love and Liam Neesons.

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Home Geek An Ode to Liam Neeson
By Fawad Siddiqui