Technology is complicated, yo. Just look at microwaves. Microwaves heat up stuff, right? So do toasters. Can you make toast in a microwave? No and that’s dumb. Fuck you microwave, I want radioactive toast and now I just have unenthusiastic bread.
TRON: Legacy is the sequel to 1982’s Tron and expounds on the idea of computer programs being visually represented in a sort of inner virtual reality system. And they range from sorta sexy to JEEPERS. No rotund bloatware here. Hell, Windows 8 probably gets all tarted up and goes to the disco. WTF that’s not even how this works. Moving on.
In the sequel we see Flynn’s son enter this visual representation of New Cyberville to find his dad, long lost in the system. While there he discovers that one of his father’s programs has taken over, brutally erased a whole new species of savior-of-mankind algorithm programs called ISOs and plans on entering the human realm to take over. Like that virus you got from that one porn site, right? Dude you can’t just click on everything that pops up. Self control.
Flynn’s son is digitally implanted into the same type of games his father once had to play: Deadly Discs and Lite Cycles. Those are real Atari games and I played the shit out of them. No YOU’RE old. Burn. He also finds a lone surviving ISO that his father managed to save and together they fight to stop the upcoming invasion.
Is it as good as the original cult classic? What could be, really? This film could never compete with 28 years of over-hype. (Ahem Star Wars) That being said, it stands on its own because of three things:
- original soundtrack by Daft Punk
- stylish and atmospheric special effects
- motherfucking Jeff Bridges
Look I know computer stuff is confusing. Back in my day we didn’t have laptops and smartphones, we just got our Speak N Spell to say dirty words and thought Teddy Ruxpin was fucking possessed. Seriously have you seen that thing? It’s like King Furby. I don’t need that shit. Also someone ate half of my Lite-Brite pieces. I can’t work like this. I’m an artist. I can only peg like half a penis now. Like one ball. Watch this movie for Jeff Bridges being all Jeff Bridgey and stay for the music and stunning visuals. If you don’t understand why that alone is worth watching TRON: Legacy, well then there’s just no helping you.
I’m just kidding I’ll never give up on you. We’ve been through so much. BFFs. Soul mates. What do you mean I didn’t say much about the movie? Let’s not do this in front of the kids.
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If you got digitally implanted into modern games, what would you do? WHAT WOULD YOU DO? I’m sorry I’m yelling. It’s not you, it’s me.
LEISURE SUIT LARRY